Loosing my grip vs losing my grip.

03Nov08

First let me say I’m new to this sobriety business. I’m just getting up to speed with AA’s 12 Steps and 12 Traditions, not to mention all those handy sayings that in a previous life I considered awfully corny and simplistic.

“Keep it Simple, Stupid.” “One day at a time.” “Fake it till you make it.”

I’m also not particularly religious, having been a Catholic in my aforementioned previous life and then having abandoned organized religion altogether about 20 years ago. I haven’t considered myself all that spiritual, either.

So the whole ‘turning things over to a Higher Power’ idea was a tough one for me. (Did I mention that I’m also a Control Freak? Yeah, I know. Who among us isn’t, right?) And yet at some point in the last 2 1/2 weeks, I did just that. Surrendered. Mainly because I was going crazy and losing my grip on reality. It was time to stop the insanity.

So I did a few things. I started attending at least one AA meeting a day. I repeated the Serenity Prayer time and again. And I ever…so…slowly…loosened the stranglehold I had on the idea that I could do it all myself. It was a struggle, but I let…it…go.

I’ve continued to surrender and to accept every day. And I’ve noticed two things have happened…so far…

Thing One: I haven’t wanted to drink at all. Haven’t felt even the slightest twinge. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Thing Two: After going crazy fighting again and again with my ex over money he owed me, I stopped harping on it. Even though it was owed me from years ago, I knew I didn’t REALLY need it right then. And I figured it’s only money, right? So I just let it go. Just like that. Poof.

Well, wouldn’t you know, two days later he handed me a check. Not for the full amount, but a portion as a down payment.

Hmmm…

Coincidence?

My lucky day?

Sudden planetary alignment?

or…

“Let Go and Let God”?

Don’t know about you, but I’ve got my hunch…

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2 Responses to “Loosing my grip vs losing my grip.”

  1. Amazing what will start to happen when we finally “let go.” The miracles are only just starting to happen.

  2. Cool.

    expect more of the same as you ‘trudge the road of happy destiny’

    yeah everything is a paradox and nothing makes ‘sense’. it just ??? works!
    hehe
    its not a program of THINKING
    its a program of ACTION

    and for now that action is
    going to meetings
    talking to people every day either in a meeting or phoning people.
    asking for a sober day
    trying to tell the truth with trustworthy people

    later it will be
    getting a sponsor
    completing the first nine steps.
    and then, getting yourself a life!!!

    and it all sounds like you are heading toward that, so keep on keeping on! it gets better!


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