“The vacuum is drunk.”


a drunk vacuum's p.o.v., as I envision it

Here’s the transcript of a text conversation from a site that I just discovered:

(908): the vacuum is drunk
(703): what?
(908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

People send in messages from friends who are drunk texting – the 21st-century version of drunk dialing. Or messages from the morning after…

(212): Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK

Many of the texts are brilliant in their ability to communicate an entire story, to conjure up vivid imagery in a few garbled phrases.

(912): i woke up with socks on this mrning
(485): so?
(912): i didnt wear socks lst night

I have to admit, reading through those texts took me back to some of my funnier and more misbegotten adventures as a drinker…long before texting existed. How well I remember recounting the previous night’s escapades with my college compadres or coworkers. Damn, we had some fun.

But I know it wasn’t all harmless, and I paid a steep price for my (mis)adventures in alcohol.

So these days I’ll stick to being entertained by other people’s folly and foibles, not mine. This way, I get all of the hilarity, none of the hangover.

(315): covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly


4 Responses to ““The vacuum is drunk.””

  1. I am sooooo glad I don’t drunk text! I quit before I got texting. I used to be the 2am drunk ex gf calling the ex cause SURELY he doesn’t mind MEEE calling at that hour! or his new wife. Good Times, Good Times. HA!

  2. 2 rockzee

    Chris and I “courted” via drunk texting. Oh so romantic huh?

  3. 3 C

    At least with drunk dialing there was never a written/electronic record of our foolishness.

    I am ever thankful that texting and Facebook weren’t around when I was in my hardest drinking years…

  4. If there was a prize for drunken dialing I surely would have been the recipient of it. I was a nightmare.

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