It’s been a while since I posted, and I wasn’t quite sure how to get back into it.
Each time I started to write, I got stuck. So then I just avoided it altogether. Until now.
Much has happened in the past month. In one of my last posts, I wrote about a deep funk that had been pretty relentless in its pursuit of me. I’m still alternating between that deep funk and “joy and joyness” as my daughters’ favorite YouTube video might put it.
I’m okay, sobriety-wise. I have not slipped, and I’m grateful for that – and grateful for readers who’ve posted messages of inquiry or concern. Thank you for letting me know I was missed.
After endless procrastination since the Spring, I finally completed my Fourth and Fifth steps in the AA program, followed by my Sixth and Seventh — which puts me at the Eighth step as the eighth month of the year draws to a close.
I felt good after my Fifth Step, and the subsequent steps. I was very relieved to have shared all my baggage with a kind and trusting soul — my sponsor, A. She made every effort to ensure that I would feel comfortable (at least physically), setting up a space that was quiet, welcoming and soothing.
That was about a month ago. I’ve since taken a trip to Maine, where I’d never visited. It was a lovely change of pace (and just one big photo op for this shutterbug) after our record-breaking heat in Texas. (Which, unimaginably, continues to this day.)
At work, I’ve been moved from a window office with plenty of natural light and sunny yellow walls to a small cube — the gray walls of which are lit by incandescent tubes. Yuck.
At home, my girls have gone off to school this week. My older daughter embarked on a new adventure Monday, attending 6th grade at a middle school that has cops stationed in the cafeteria during lunch. (I’m still trying to find out if this is just a first-week precaution or a regular occurrence….) And my little fourth-grader, well, she’s just fine and dandy and pretty nonplussed about the new school year.
And now, perhaps the biggest news: I’ve adopted a dog. Daisy has been a member of our little female tribe for about three weeks. The girls and I had been talking about getting a dog for a few months now, so we’d been looking at rescue groups online. When I got back from Maine, we went to meet this red and white Border Collie (or Australian Shepherd – the vet wasn’t sure) mix, and came home with Daisy.
She’s a love – and a challenge. The shelter had told me they thought she was about two years old, but the vet said she was probably much younger. This would explain the very puppylike frolicking, nipping and chewing we’ve been enduring. She also came to us with a tough case of mange and an ear infection. Clearly, Daisy needed us. It goes without saying that I needed her.
It’s a big responsibility (which is why I hadn’t undertaken it until just now), and one I’m glad to have taken on. I’ve been feeling lonely during the weeks when my girls aren’t around, and because B. and I haven’t been able to see each other that often, Daisy has provided some much-needed companionship.
And as for B. — well, I’m not sure. I’m sad and disappointed and frustrated about many things, and I feel like I’ve done all I can at this point. I know I just need to keep working on my own stuff, and accept whatever happens with him/us. I have let go. That’s all I can really say about our relationship.
So there you have my update for now. Over the past month, I’ve had many false starts on blog posts, as there have been many things I’ve wanted to write about. I just couldn’t do it until now, for whatever reason.
Along with my writing, I’ve been neglecting my reading as well. So now I’m going to go read all the usual blogs I’ve been ignoring of late. I’m looking forward to it, and to posting again. (Sooner rather than later.)
Thanks for your patience and understanding.
Thanks for being there.
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Tags: 12 steps, AA, AA program, AA sponsor, acceptance, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, Fifth Step, getting sober, letting go, life, recovery, relationships, sobriety